It's Okay
by Generalpandathefourth
Summary: Nothing about this is okay. The title is a lie
_She watched with bated breath as Waverly pulled her top off to reveal a purple bikini top and dove into the cool lake. She blinked with the splash of water and when she opened her eyes again she was met with dazzling smile._

 _"I give it a seven," she grinned._

 _Waverly met that with another splash of water to her girlfriends face, making Nicole laugh and wipe at her eyes. "Don't lie, Officer Haught, it was at least a nine."_

 _"I'm not even close to being an officer yet," she pointed out with a teasing smirk._

 _"Ah but you will be and that's close enough for me." Waverly swam closer to her, stopping just short of touching. Her voice dropped low and suggestively, "besides, the name is sexy and fits you perfectly."_

She shuffled to her seat with a heavy heart. There were people everywhere, she recognized everyone, family and friends of her and Nicole. Most tried to tell her their condolences, every one she barely acknowledged, while others settled for sad smiles. Waverly hated both. She didn't want their grief or concern.

 _Everything was happening at once in a flurry of bleary vision and coughed yelps of help._

 _The boy who had been jumping in and out of the lake for the last half hour with them was bobbing in and out of the water, calling for help. Nicole didn't hesitate and dove in. It was freezing after laying out in the sun but she didn't have time to feel it. The boy, Jake, had gotten tired of jumping and decided to venture out further, further than she had thought he had. She cursed at herself for not checking more often. Sure he wasn't her or Waverly's responsibility, he really should have had someone there watching him in her opinion -even if he proved to be a pretty strong swimmer-, but since no one else was she took it upon herself to do so._

 _As she got closer she could feel the current growing stronger, that was probably the problem. She couldn't see much else to get the kid to go under without purpose._

Flashes of Nicole's face, her chilled pale skin and blue lips, popped into her head. Her heart shattered for the billionth time. She'd tried. Lord knew she tried. But it wasn't enough. She was never enough, not for her mother, not for her sister, not to be the heir, and not for her girlfriend. Waverly couldn't ever win.

 _Nicole laid silently, tortuously silent, unable to move or comfort as Waverly cried at her side._

There was no holding herself together this time around. Waverly, of all people, knew how to hold themselves together in times of grief. She'd woken up one morning without a mother at the sweet age of four, buried her big sister and father at the tender age of six, she'd watch her other sister lose herself and get taken away, later to leave and not look back, and she'd lost countless others along the years. But this time she didn't have her constant. She didn't have the embrace she'd learned to call home, she didn't have kisses that held the embodiment of love and safety, she didn't have promises of better days whispered into her hair when she was supposed to be sleeping. This time she didn't have Nicole.

So for once Waverly was the one who didn't talk, didn't attempt to bring smiles and warmth to those in need.

She didn't break though. She surprised herself with that feat.

She sat through the words of a church Nicole didn't agree with. Sat through choked speech after sobbing speech. Watched Nicole's family tear themselves apart and try to mend each other with strong arms and shared heartache. Watched her heart and soul get put into the ground, and still hadn't shed a tear. She guessed she'd shed them at the lake with the rest of herself.

 _She willed herself to open her eyes, to breathe, to do_ something _. Anything. But she couldn't. She couldn't tell Waverly that everything was fine and that she shouldn't worry so much, tell her the kid was safe and so was the day. She couldn't wipe away the tears that burned her lungs hotter than any water could._

Waverly stayed behind as everyone slowly filtered out of the cemetery they would all end up one day and stared at the freshly dug hole in the ground. Nicole's hole in the ground.

Nicole's hole in the ground.

Nicole's hole in the ground.

She repeated the words over and over again in her head. Nicole was gone. She wouldn't turn her head and be met with amber eyes filled with nothing but concern and empathetic hurt, a look to steady herself and hold her together until she could properly let everything out. Nicole wasn't around to hold her hand as she left the cemetery.

Nicole was gone.

Forever.

Waverly gasped for air and fell to her knees. She clutched at her chest, at her throat. Her lungs burned as a cry ripped through her. Everything hurt at once and she clawed at the earth, begging for it to give her best friend back.

She needed her best friend back.

She needed the girl who had always shared her lunch deserts, the one who stayed on the phone with her all night when she was scared, the one who drove two towns over just to get her a book, the one who got stuck in trees and yelled along to the top 100 charts. The one who never laughed when she spoke of demons, always kept a promise, and kept her safe while her guard was down.

Her head fell to the cool grass as another fight for breath tore through her lungs. She needed her back. She needed Nicole to touch her arm and slip their hands together and tell her everything was going to be okay and they would get supper at the diner like always.

Waverly _needed_ her back.

 _She came to terms that she couldn't move or speak out loud but she wouldn't accept that she couldn't soothe her girlfriend. There was no way she'd let that go while Waverly cried. So she talked to her, in her head of course, but she sent them in Waverly's direction and willed the words to find their way to the one who held her heart._

 _"It's okay, love," she whispered. Begged with all of her soul that she could feel that it was. "You don't have to worry. Everything will be fine-I'm fine, and all of this will end soon. Be brave."_

 _She was only met with screams to breathe, to be okay, to do anything but die._

 _Die?_

 _Certainly she wasn't going to die. No. She had so much left to do, to see. She hadn't moved out and gone to the academy, she hadn't found a tiny shit hole of a place to call her own, she hadn't asked Waverly to move in with her. They hadn't gotten a dog, they hadn't traveled, they- she hadn't asked Waverly to marry her yet. They hadn't had a life together yet. She couldn't die. It wasn't time, there was too much to experience. She couldn't leave Waverly, not like this, not while she was crying and begging, not when they hadn't lived yet._

 _She tried again._

 _Nicole screamed, she screamed and_ tried _and nothing. Nothing happened._

 _Nothing happened, she didn't make a sound or move a muscle. But Waverly's cries grew dimmer. Foggier. She was slipping and there was nothing she could do. Nothing but listen and make her peace._

 _"I'm sorry, Waverly. I love you."_

 _"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love_

It'd started to rain at some point, she didn't know when and frankly she didn't care. She was lying in the wet grass and loose dirt next to the fresh plot, eyes closed and chest heaving. She held herself tightly, an attempt to pretend it was the embrace she so desperately needed.

She imagined strong arms wrapped so familiarly around her torso, felt the heat of sun kissed skin pull her closer and envelope her in a safe haven. She imagined ears pressed to chests and heart beats drumming the loveliest melody. She imagined soft murmurs of love and reassurance breathed into her skin.

"It's okay, love."

She jolted upright and blinked through the heavy rain fall. Someone was there.

"Don't worry," the voice spoke with a concern Waverly had grown to expect in times of hurt. "This will end soon. Be brave."

An ache racked through her body, her bones, her soul. That voice. Surely she hadn't gone that mad. She couldn't be hearing Nicole.

"Waverly. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love," Nicole cried in a grief stricken chant, only a whisper in the harsh wind and rain.

Waverly closed her eyes again, they stung too much to keep open, and allowed the words to consume her. "I love you too," a bubble of a sob broke her words.

A/N: I am sorry. Please feel free to yell


End file.
